hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
