Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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