You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
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She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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