I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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