u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
