I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
