Dual....:-)
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
