Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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