Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
