Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
