Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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