She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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