so let's talk penis.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
