Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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