p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
