y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So many bounce houses so little time
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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