According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
