I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
