took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Randomize
