I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
