Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
