I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
