I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
