No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
