three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
