u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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