they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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