garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
