I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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