I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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