If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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