I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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