fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
