Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
