OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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