Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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