im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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