I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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