So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
