Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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