her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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