These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
