I wanna passion pit in your ass
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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