At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you had me at cake vodka
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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