I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
