Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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