the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Acid is not a monday night drug
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
