my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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