Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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