I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
