You can't special order awesome
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
