It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I love you. Go after that dick
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
