My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
