Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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