about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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