If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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