Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
