I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
