i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just invented taco cereal.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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