He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
