she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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