I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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