EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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